Today..sorry this turns into a vent

is my last day to work this week. Angie's daughter graduates tonight and she said she needs Friday to 'cry in her beer' and I don't blame her. I don't even want to think about Caleb ggggggraduating!! I can't even type it.

Anyway, so I want to know what is with husbands! I mean, can't he see what I do everyday, oh wait, it's hard to see when he isn't home or watching TV or playing games on his STUPID cell phone!!!! I have a million and 10 things to do each and every day and I finally get them done so I can FINALLY go to bed, because you know I haven't sat down, other than to attempt to eat dinner or nurse a baby, and what happens....he rolls over to 'snuggle' sure buddy I was born yesterday, and actually thinks I have the energy, the want, the care to have 'married time' !! I say, are you freaking kidding me?!?!? To which he replies 'you don't ever have time for me, why, me, me, I need, I need, blah, blah, freakin BLAH!!!! So, at 11pm he gets mad and decides he has been rejected and can't sleep. Honestly in my mind, I totally apologized a hundred times but the words, for many reasons, would not come out, then I fell asleep in I swear a second and a half. I was SUPER tired!

So this morning the alarm goes off and I get a tap on the shoulder to wake me and he gets up and goes to the kitchen table to 'work'. Usually he gives me a hug asks me how I slept, you know talks too much because I am so NOT a morning person but this tells me his is really upset. I do feel really really bad, but can you blame me?!? I have yet to understand why he doesn't get it. I'm overwhelmed, exhausted, busy etc. I don't have time to paint my own toenails or brush my hair why can't he understand when I'm in bed, finally in bed, children sleeping that means I NEED TO BE SLEEPING! Oh, one other thing that probably topped it off, when he rolled over all mad, I said "well you know what, it's fine it will only take 45 seconds anyway, get it over with!" I realize this was a huge mistake but the exhausting, frustration, and sheer anger got the best of me and it just flew out. I really feel horrible. That is when he got up and left the room. I prayed and asked for God to help me with this, maybe he will.

Exhaustion...

I am completely and totally, without a doubt beyond exhausted. Sitting here, I honestly think I could fall asleep sitting up. That is pitiful! I slept pretty good so I'm not sure why I'm feeling this way. All I can say is bring on bedtime...come on 8:30!!

Oh who am I kidding, I have two scrapbooks to finish for Caleb's teachers for TOMORROW. I won't be going to bed until very, very late. Why couldn't I just get them a nice candle or something!?!?

I'm off the next two days, unless Bubba decides to pitch in and keep the little ones for me while I come in until noon tomorrow. He said he'd call his mom. I rolled my eyes, what you mean actually KEEP the kids for you, you must be crazy!! Anyway, that's all for now. Hope you all (one person that reads this) has a great rest of the week!

Go Grandpa!!

I'm so excited for my Granddad!!! He walked 15 feet today! Whoohooo! Bud called to see where I was to come see, I had already left for lunch and he was asking for me! Ohhhh, I felt so bad for not being in the building to see him, especially when he asked for me! When I returned from lunch I went straight to his room and clapped my hands and told him great job!!! I apologized for not being here and he said 'Oh, it's not a big deal' I said WHAT?!? Yes sir it is! YOU WALKED! That is awesome! I told him I'd definitely see him walk tomorrow, he got a cute little smirk on his face and said 'Ok, that'll be fine!" He is soooo cute! I have that cute smirk etched in my mind right now! I'm so proud of him.

Respiratory put a paci mere valve (sp) in is trach yesterday so he could speak, he loves it. He talks and talks. You can tell it really pepped him up! Layne (RT) saw Grandma come in yesterday and told her she had a big surprise waiting for her, she got a big smile and said 'really?!" and next thing he knew Elaina ran in and ruined it for Grandma. I just despise her! Grandma was still elated but it's the point. They were here to see him walk today! They said Grandma had a huge smile on her face, she was so happy to see him walking. This is a man we were all secretly preparing ourselves to say goodbye to just a few months ago and now he is strong enough to walk and talk and is almost weaned from the vent completely. He is our miracle! I'm so happy!

BIG OWIE!!!!

My poor sweet boy. Yesterday I was changing the sheets on my bed and Cohen LOVES to play on my bed well, he had the sheet over his head and he was growling at me and started to run, to me, but instead he fell, right on my night table. WHAP, is all I heard. My heart stopped, I thought he had broken his neck the way he landed. Oh, i felt sooooooo terrible. I picked him up instantly , looked at him and ran to the freezer for an ice pack, sat down in the chair with him and a few seconds later he removed the ice pack and I about DIED, from the top of his nose down to his chin was swollen HUGE! I just cried and cried with him. It broke my heart into a million pieces. He carried on for about 10 minutes then he was fine. Played fine, slept fine, I can push on his nose and teeth without complaint so I think he's ok. I was worried because his lip didn't bleed out. I can see blood under the skin and I'm sure that is why his lip is sooooo big. I can't imagine how it feels. He kept playing with it with his bottom lip, I'm sure it was throbbing.

I got him on the camcorder. I asked him what happened and he just said "fa down" and pointed to the night table. Awwww. Bubba keeps telling him to say "quack quack." He does look like a little duck, looks like he has a major overbite. Poor guy. I will post a picture tomorrow. :(

I'm so excited!!!!

I was just told that my grandpa is being put on t-bar for 12 HOUR intervals!!! WOOOHOOO! He was doing two hours and they decided he was doing so well they would just try 12. Respiratory was in and he plugged his trach so he could tell me where he was hurting and I was blindsided in amazement! I haven't heard his voice in months and to suddenly hear it, I know he was in pain but I wanted to jump up and down to hear him speaking around his trach!!!! Go grandpa!!!! I just checked on him and his pain is gone. And he is in NO distress!!!!!! He refused pain meds this morning.....men!

Today..

Caleb has a class pizza party today at 11 and I can't go, I attend most all school events, try to anyway. :( I feel bad however, I did talk my husband into going, without much of a fight - he could be up to something! I'm so glad he is going, Caleb will be excited to see him at lunch! Bubba said on the way to school Caleb asked if Mommy and Kinley could come to my pizza party, isn't that sweet! He loves to show off his sister to his friends! They swarm her when I bring her in! What a sweet big brother, I wish he was this sweet with his brother!

Cohen has started to be so mean to Caleb, justfully so mind you! Cohen's latest thing is starring at Caleb and then biting his nose! Or pulling his ear. Last night Caleb was sitting on the floor, minding his own business for once, and Cohen walked right up and pulled him by the ear, Caleb screams of course, then he grabs onto his toe and pulls it too! We were in a bit of a shock and just stood there watching, then laughter soon erupted and Cohen stopped, but it was soooo funny! He is getting Caleb back for all he has done to him I guess. Stinker!

Ohh, I wish I was with Kinley!!

I have a major clogged milk duct and I need her! Pumping didn't work. It is driving me crazy. It will be late this afternoon before I can nurse her. I can feel it every time I move my arm! I hope I can survive. This stinks! She decided to be a sleepyhead this morning instead of eating. So I just pumped, I should have got her up! Lesson learned!!!

She must have had some good dreams last night. She did almost a 180 in her bed! She was so cute. She had her bottom against the bumper and her let propped up on it. It was funny, she looked sooooo comfy I couldn't move her. I should have taken her picture! I could just see her little toe sticking out of the blanket. Ohhh, I miss her.

Caleb had his gymnastics program last night. He did so well, Cohen was lovin' it. He wanted so badly to join in. I can't wait to put Cohen in it too! My boys are growing up too fast!

It has finally happened...

My son cussed at school. I feel like a horrible parent. This isn't public school we are talking about, it's a private FAITH based preschool! He and his cousin, who is in the same class, were running around calling each other a baby-@$$ . The combination is obviously that of a preschooler but holy cow, couldn't we have made it to elementary before the potty words poured from his angelic mouth!!!!!! He was soooo upset when Bubba questioned him. He fell to the floor and cryed immediately, he knew he shouldn't say those words and he was in trouble.

On a brighter note, he has a gymnastics program tonight. I'm excited to watch him! We also have an appointment with the fixture people at 4. I'm taking all the kids. Whoohoo. This should be an interesting evening! It's by appointment only and they have a kids area with a TV and stuff so hopefully, fingers crossed, it all works out!

Don't you ever wish

Certain people would just fall off the face of the earth because they don't seem to be good for anyone?!?!? My dad's stupid sister whose name I REFUSE to say, was giving my grandpa,, who has a trach and is on a ventilator to breathe, drinks of water from a cup!!!!!! My dad witnessed this yesterday and told her to stop because it was dangerous and she told him to mind is own GD business, he isn't going to get better anyway!!!! WHAT?!?!?!?!? My dad was SOOOO LIVID he turned around and left. He said if she was within reaching distance he knows he would have killed her!! I'm glad he had enough control to leave.

For ONE, my grandpa has a TOTALLY functional brain, he hears EVERYTHING, he just cant talk to express his feelings and for some dumb@$$ to tell him he isn't going to get better, it will all be over soon, makes me want to kill her myself!!!!! Oh, I was ready for her this morning when I came to work. Only Grandma came for the morning visit....lucky for her!!

And TWO, he is doing great! His X-RAY shows his left lung is improving and his right is the same. He is up to 2 hour vent weaning w/ZERO complications, he is doing great with occupational therapy, they are getting him to move his arms and legs with very little pain. He is doing great and for anyone to tell him otherwise breaks my heart! Why would you tell your father he isn't going to get better....why??

I went in to talk to my Grandma this morning and I told her everything I just wrote and my Grandpa was paying close attention to my words, for that I am very glad. He wants to get better and he wants to know his progress and that is wonderful. It shows that he wants to get better and the is a big relief to me. I want him to live. Call me selfish but I'm not ready for him to go!! He has fought very hard to be where he is today and he will not lose this battle. He is a Strong man and I love him. I hope she comes in later, I fully plan on telling her everything I told Grandma...and then some.

My weekend...

was really great! Saturday Kinley and I went to Jennifer's baby shower at Miss Hatti's. It was fun then Judie and I went over to Sassy Fox and got Kinley a purple and white tutu. It is adorable. I have already figured out several picture ideas for it. I got my first pair of Yellow Box shoes and I LOVE THEM. It's like walking on little pillows. Great shoes!! They have camo straps (flip flop style) with a black bow and a rhinestone heart in the middle. I wore them yesterday with my camo capris and my black shirt. LOVED it.

Anyway, we took Ben and Jennifer to see our new house and while there, Cohen sat in the middle of a red ant bed and was trying to pick them up. He got bit on the ear and under his eye. I have not ran that fast in forever...I stripped his clothes off and he was just looking at me like....what?!? I swear I'll have a heartattack before age 35!

We aslo went to Canon's birthday party at Concho Valley Gymnastics. It was tons of fun. Cohen even did everything! He loved it. I helped him for a while then Bubba took over, I think he liked the trampoline as much as the kids did!!!! Honestly, do they ever really grow up!? That was all saturday.

Sunday, we went to Mama Davis' to have dinner. Bubbas dad, stepmom, and sisters were there. Robbie just had a baby on Mother's Day so I got to cuddle her. She is beautiful. Head full of dark hair!! She is so sweet. Well, that was my weekend in a nutshell. It was fast and furious!!

NKOTB!!!!

Misty, that is HILARIOUS!!! She sent me a link to watch their first appearace in concet on the todays show and it was so funny to watch them. I was watching along and thinking who is that, they look so different then here comes Joey with his 'Please don't go girl' and I swear I got all giddy JUST like I was a lovesick girl again!!!! UNBELIEVABLE, that the same silly schoolgirl feelings came rushing right back. I swear, if Misty and I were wathing that together we would have been screaming and laughing and acting just like we were 14 again!!! Our families would have been able to confirm we had lost our minds! Ohh, I loved it!
Just for the record Misty - Joey is mine. And Misty was such a huge fan, she had a silk life size poster of Joey hanging on her closet door!!!!!!!!!! She used to talk to him! HAHAHAHAHA. And yes I will admit, I was jealous, I longed for a poster of Joey... Oh, the good old days~

Trinity Olympics

Just got back from Olympics at Calebs daycare. It was really fun. I had to leave early though, but I had a good time. Got lots of pictures to make his teacher a scrapbook for her end of the year gift and I used my camcorder for the first time, loved it. Caleb did great, no crying fits! Whoohoo! Anyway, that's all for now, gotta go pump!!!

Our family picture

Here is my beautiful family. All FIVE of us. I can't believe that is our number, it's hard to say. I'm so happy with the way our pictures turned out!

I am super excited today becasue I bought a camcorder at lunch and I'm stoked to use it! There is so much I want to record, I just hope Cohen will speak for me. Little stinker. YEsterday Bubba brought home a turtle he found at our new house, under construction, and Cohen just blurted out tolltoll! I had never heard him try to say it! It is soooo cute! Anyway, that's all for now.

OH MY.....

I feel horrible!!!!! I missed Caleb singnig in Chapel this morning! I totally forgot all about it! Man, I feel SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO bad! This is the first time I've forgotten a school function! I'm going to pick him up early and take him to sonic. Maybe that will help ease MY pain, I'm sure it's no big deal to him but it is to ME!

Oh a happy note, I get to purchase my camcorder today! YAY!!!!! I'm super exctied about that!

I give in...

Ok, Ok so I give in. I'm creating a blog to record the goings on in my very busy, chaotic, wonderful life as a mother and a wife! My very dear friend Misty has had one for a while now and I love logging on and reading about her days and I thought just maybe someone would like to read about mine! They can be quite funny at times, though not to me at the moment but looking back, I smile and hope I can remember what went on.

Let's see...I'm the wife of my high school sweetheart and the Mother of 3 beautiful children. Two boys and a girl. Caleb is 4, Cohen is 22 months old and Kinley is 3 months old. Yes my youngest two are close in age! But honestly, it hasn't been that big a deal! It is hardest when I have all three together and I'm trying to nurse the baby. They like to get into whatever they can at that time, they know I can't get to them very fast. They keep my on my toes!! I love being a Mommy, it is my entire reason for being. I breathe my children. My destiny was to be a wife and mother and all though I feel like pulling my hair out at times.....OK lots of times, it is SO VERY worth every second! I love to watch them sleep. I love to watch them play and laugh. I love the endless hugs and kisses. I love that I can kiss the hurt away. I love that I can read their minds and know the second before they act what they are going to do. I love it all...