I'm blue...

My weekend started with my plans to go to 'girls night' but ended up in the ER with my son. He developed a fever at daycare of 101. No big deal right! Wrong, just a few hours later it was 104! I had given him Motrin earlier and it just kept going up, tried a temped bath and that got it down to 99 but shot right back up 20 minutes later. I called to speak with the 'on call' doctor but they NEVER CALLED BACK! So when I read 104 on the thermometer, we were off to the ER.

One HOUR of waiting later it was 104.8 and the doctor came in. "He has quite a fever! He is a sick little boy!" Gee thanks, didn't know that! Then my thoughts were, holy crap the doctor just said... They took blood and an xray. Confirmed pneumonia. First thing, this kid has showed NO sign of being sick. Sure Thursday he had a cough but it went away and that was IT! How on earth could he have pneumonia?!? Then they told us his 'infection count' which is his white count in his blood was very high and he would definitely be staying. Normal white count is 5 - 15 and his was 25. Usually a high white count indicates bacteria so they grew a culture. No bacteria. They decided his pneumonia was caused by a virus he had. But that still did not tell us why his white count was so high. Saturday morning it was 33! I panicked. The thoughts running thru my head, well the hundreds of possibilities, was leukemia. I know, that is crazy but I'm a mom and I am in panic mode! High fever, high white count, all I need is the vomiting.

They started an IV, four adults and two nurses to hold down this terribly sick little boy. Oh, I felt so terrible for him. My mom was crying, Caleb was crying, I was crying. It was horrible. The most horrible thing of all was this....

While waiting for his results to come in, he was sleeping. Sally and I were talking over him quietly and his eyes open. She says 'hey Caleb" or something to that effect. I say something but his eyes dont move. I figure he is still sleeping. Then hell breaks loose. He can't see. He is calling out " I need you Mommy, I just want to see you Mommy, I need to hold you Mommy!" I am holding him and rocking him and right in his face telling him Mommy is here honey, it's ok. His eyes are flinching back and forth like a blind persons do. His pupils were HUGE and he couldn't focus on anything. He was screaming for me and I was right there and he couldn't calm down. I broke down big time and cried and tried to comfort him but I couldn't.... this ranks as the official worst day of my life. I will never forget it and I can't stop replaying it in my head, it's all I can think about. It. was. horrible.

The doctor came in and said it was his fever and he would be ok. Their brain kind of shuts off what isn't important at the time to try and take over what it needs to. This case, his sight. Though he told me this I couldn't make sense of his words. Here I was, a mother holding her 4 year old son who could not see her anymore. The only thing I wanted was for him to be able to SEE me so he would be comforted. That is all. How could he stand there so calmly and tell me it was ok?! There was nothing ok about that.

Three days later he is perfectly fine! He runs around like nothing ever happened. He remembers nothing of that terrible night. Thank the Lord! I however will never forget. I watched him sleep, I watched him eat, I left him for a short time to get a shower. I am having a hard time getting past this for some reason. I tear up super easy. I'm sure it's sleep deprivation, unbelievable stress and who knows what else. I love my kids even deeper than before. I don't care about my job, I don't care about money, all I want is a long nap and to be with them.....