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I am all alone today. Literally! Sally is off. Paul is at Brice's tennis thing. Just me and Kidd Craddock and he is leaving in about 20 seconds. We received the final verdict on our job yesterday. Meet your new part-time technician. Sally too. We now have to pay more for benefits and accrue less pto and no sick time. Sally had 140 hours of sick time built up in case something ever happened and she has to forfeit ALL of it! That is just STUPID! Nothing about this is fair. Sally told me I will work 30 hours a week and she will work 10 and use what is left of her pto to equal what she needs. I thank her for that. Part timers get 24 hours a week but they want us to flex down to 20 until further notice. No more than 40 hours for our department. Ummmm hello! We have bills to pay! I'm super stressed about all this. Sally is looking for another job and has applied to some. I feel terrible for her. I hope she finds something awesome so she can tell this place to kiss her butt and give Steve a piece of her mind. I hate this place.
We have a new house to pay for in one month, my job literally hangs by a thread, I feel like a door mat and I have a million things to do that I can't muster up the energy to get done. I am totally in a rut and I don't even care to get myself out. What does that mean?!?! Bubba keeps asking me if I'm ok. I just say 'yes why' and he gives me a look, he knows I'm lying. I just dont want to get into it. I don't have the energy or the care to do so. I have an appointment with Dr. Cravy tomorrow to recheck my bp and get another shot. I'm going to ask him to up my prozac. I don't know if that will help but I'll give it a try.
This all started when I got a big fat nothing for my birthday from Bubba. I know it sounds terrible but this is the first year EVER that he didn't take the time to show me how much I mean to him. Yes he gave me a birthday party, but where was my card at least? Why didn't he make dinner or order out, or set up a sitter and take me out on THAT day? Simply put, he didn't care to take the time for me. And that hurts. The second thing was Caleb's comment about wanting me to die. I realize he is 4 and didn't fully understand what he was saying...or did he. This is one smart kid we are talking about here. He chose his words... I have a surprise for you mommy, do you want to know what it is....(he waited for me to say yes)...for you to die. Never missed a beat. Then my job. I do not matter enough to keep around. It's all about money and numbers and the CEO. I do not matter here. 6 years.....
It seems to be coming from all directions. You do not matter. You are not important enough. You are here to do a job....wife, mother, maid, cook, chauffeur, pharmacy technician. I don't feel there is a team anywhere anymore. Just me...to get my work done, but I can't get there either. I'm going to pump now. Add that to my list of jobs...