Monday

After my breakdown, I knew I needed medical intervention. I made an appointment with Dr. Cravy and it went well. Except...my blood pressure was 135/106 which didn't really surprise me due to all the stress. He took blood for a thyroid check and put me on Prozac. The thing that sucks about that is that it takes 21 days for the full effect. He also put me on blood pressure medicine and a potassium suppliment. I pray this, with the help of God, will make things better for me. They said things like, don't sweat the small things, it's ok if the beds don't get made and the toys aren't picked up.....but is it?!? Not to me. I mean, the beds don't get made everday as it is, but The toys need to be picked up and everthing put away, dishes have to be done and dinner has to be done, baths have to be done, clothes have to be done. If I don't pick up the toys every chance I get you will not see the livingroom floor and it will take me forever to clean up!!! Yes, I have become obsessive, I realize that but you have to understand I have 3 children and a husband to clean up after EVERYDAY, if I let something slide today than tomorrow it will be much, much worse and take much more time to clean. I have to do it. I think the prozac will just help me not get upset about it. Ease the overwhelming feeling I have.
I do not think it's depression. To me depression is sleeping all the time, sad all the time, crying all the time, wanting to be alone and that isn't me. Sure I cry, but out of frustration, I'm tired from running 100 mph, I love being with my kids but yes they frustrate me, they are 4 and 1, they will do that! I'm just overwhelmed and that is why I need the medicine. I just hate that I can still feel this way for 20 more days. I will tell you, Bubba and the fit I threw have made me feel better.
Cohen had a GREAT day! He was terrific with me last night. Helped me make pizza, never cried or thew a fit. I think he feels much better. Thank GOD!! He went to sleep relatively quick but this morning I woke up to a bed with FOUR people in it. I was hugging the edge and so was Bubba, the boys were comfy though! Heehee. I took Cohen to his bed and he went right back to sleep. Kinley is great! She slept until 5:30am. I fed her and played with her then got ready and came to work. I"m good today. It's amazing what a mental breakdown will do for a person. Heehee.